


The Darkest Pit of Hell

by LunaDeSangre



Series: Love is... [5]
Category: Chicago Fire
Genre: M/M, Pre-Canon, Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-02
Updated: 2017-08-02
Packaged: 2018-12-10 07:38:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11687055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LunaDeSangre/pseuds/LunaDeSangre
Summary: It's entirely possible that Kelly is a little bit of a drama queen, but he thinks he's completely entitled to, thank you.After all, the universe hates him.





	The Darkest Pit of Hell

When Kelly's twenty-nine and Matt twenty-seven, Matt asks Hallie to marry him. Diamond ring, down on one knee, everything.

Kelly says _Congratulation_ , and walks out. He spends the evening getting so drunk he can't see straight (straight, hah!), and the night loosing himself in five different people (three women, two men, makes no difference), too hard and too fast and too deep, over and over again until he mercifully passes out, not a care for where he is or what these complete strangers could be doing to him when he's asleep, for what the morning will hold or how he'll get home when he doesn't know how he got here, wherever here is, because home is Matt and Kelly can't ever have him.

What the morning holds is him puking his guts out in the gutter when dawn's barely peeking through a sky still as dark as his fucking bleeding soul, because he's cold and achy all over, but above all, because he's woken up to find his latest temporary distractions _all_ have blond hair.

Andy literally picks him up from the sidewalk hours later, when Kelly's run away, as fast as he could, until he couldn't run anymore, stared blankly at the sky, now the same fucking color as Matt's eyes, cold concrete making him shiver even through his leather jacket, and finally fished out his phone at a sudden buzz—only to tearfully ignore the fact that _of course_ it's Matt texting ( _Are you ok?_ , _Don't drink too much, yeah?_ and _Tell me you're not passed out in a ditch somewhere._ ) to call his best friend and completely fail to say even one word because his throat is too tight still.

"Kelly," Andy says, in the same soft, even but firm voice they all use when talking somebody from a ledge (the same voice he's used over the phone, in Kelly's choked silence, to tell him: _Kelly. Pull up the map app and tell me_ exactly _where you are._ ), "Kelly, come on, up you get, let's get you warm and safe." (Not _let's get you home_ , because Kelly sometimes says things when he's drunk and safe, and Andy knows him too well.)

Kelly cooperates like a broken puppet, up, car, stairs, door, more stairs and another door, jacket and shoes, and he collapses on the bed in Andy and Heather's guest room, the one that's even smaller than the station's bunks, and too soft, and smells of lavender sachets because Heather thinks they're sleep-inducing. The pillow cover always alternates between yellow and blue gingham, and it's not the same blue Matt's goddamn eyes are, but of course it's blue this time too, and Kelly hides his face into it and shakes.

"Sleep," Andy offers gently, burying him under a thick, warm comforter and closing the door quietly, because Andy knows him too well to try to make him talk.

Kelly can't sleep, he really _can't_ , because he doesn't want to dream of Matt, but he lies there and eventually shakes less. When his phone buzzes again, and it says _Just tell me you're not dead, Kel, please?_ Kelly doesn't even fumble with it too much before he manages to text back _You're not getting rid of me that easily_.

 _Good,_ is Matt's immediate answer, so fast Kelly knows Matt's had no time to think through what he was typing, _I don't ever want to be rid of you._

Kelly stops shaking and sleeps. He dreams of Matt of course, but it doesn't make him any more broken in the morning than he's already been for years now. Nothing's really better later on either, but he does get to see Matt smile, and as always it has to be enough.


End file.
